How To Create Stress
Are you stressed out? How much of it is real? And how much did you create yourself?
This week I’m sharing a blog post I published way back in June of 2016. It’s all about a 3 week period and the stress I created for myself during that time. I don’t mention it in the original post, but I also recall that I had a couple of migraines during that time as well as fatigue and joint pain. All of which, had I realized at the time that they were related to stress, might have prevented some of that pain.
Creating Stress
Are you stressed out? Do you create stress for yourself? Are you feeling the pressure of getting things done? Wondering how you’ll get it all done?
Stop and think for a minute.
How much of that stress is real?
How many of those deadlines are your own creation?
Why are you stressed? Do you fear what might happen if you don’t accomplish things?
What is there really to worry about?
How often do you automatically start stressing about something as soon as it is planned? If you’re having house guests, do you immediately begin worrying about getting your house ready? If you’re planning a trip, do you start worrying about all the details the minute you decide to go?
I recently figured out that roughly 99.5% of the stress in my life is totally my own creation. Let me explain how I figured it out.
Recently, my husband went on a trip to Africa. That’s a long way to go. The trip was a year in the planning and lasted just over 3 weeks. I watched him scrambling to get things ready. The 2 weeks before the trip he was very much absorbed in getting all the last details ready. I sat back and watched, all the time thinking I was glad it wasn’t me that was stressing about the trip.
I had my own plans for the time he was gone. I had a lofty list of goals: clean the house, turn the upstairs alcove into a reading/music area, do some serious decluttering, redecorate in the bedroom. All while getting out on my own and with girl friends.
Perhaps you’re already seeing what I finally had to come to terms with. I was setting myself up for failure by trying to do too much.
I started out on track, until I added to the list by having a retreat at my house. Retreats On The Go was a wonderful time, but it involved getting much of my house clean in just a few days. At the same time that I was cleaning, I had a few other things going on. So the stress was already building. Towards the end of that first full week, as the retreat approached, I had to reprioritize my cleaning plan. I was not going to do the ‘top-to-bottom’ cleaning of that much house in that amount of time. Stress that had built up began to dissipate for a bit. By Friday afternoon, I was able to relax.
The second weekend was perfect. It involved retreats and celebration that I’ve talked about before. I had ordered a new comforter and shams for our bedroom. It arrived that weekend too.
The second week was when the pressure began to mount. The list of things I had to do was growing. I went shopping two days that week to find the perfect pillows and picture for the bedroom. The first trip resulted in a migraine from a shop full of scented candles. That migraine wasn’t too terrible, but it’s effects lingered.
I decided that I would make the pillows, knowing it would be faster and less leg work than shopping for days and days. I used to be a marathon shopper but no longer have that patience.
Perhaps you’ve noticed that I just added to my list – making pillows.
All those pillows needed to be done by the time my husband got back. Yes, more stress. BUT, who decided that schedule?
In the end, five of the pillows were completed on time.
I also ordered a picture from an artist friend. I figured I had ordered it too late to get here in time, but decided I would just have to live with that.
Did I mention rain? Much of Texas got rain the entire time my husband was gone. And that’s on top of rain we had earlier. My husband flew out of Houston’s airport so I had to drive him there. Because of flooding, we had to go a different route to get to his friend’s house. So I was watching the weather in Houston the week he was to return. Because… I needed to drive over there again to pick him up.
The rains came. The flooded road in Houston that had reopened was closed again. And still the rains came. So that entire week, as I’m stressing to get things done, I’m also stressing about the prospect of driving 200 miles in rain and possible flooding.
Did I mention I don’t like to drive in the rain?
So that’s a lot of stress. Brought on by my own worries and fears. And in the end I realized it was only stress because of my own expectations for myself.
Here’s another reason I shouldn’t have stressed so much:
My husband was due to land in Houston on Thursday night and spend the night at his friend’s house. And I would drive to Houson on Friday. It was raining so much in Houston that his plane was rerouted to Dallas. The airline cancelled the rest of the flight. So he decided to rent a car in Dallas and drive to San Antonio. So, no trip to Houston for me. AND, the picture I ordered got here in time and was personally delivered and hung BEFORE he got home.
Here’s the picture:
I read recently that we will judge others by their actions yet we judge ourselves by our intentions. So true! Lesson learned! Actually a few of them:
Be gentler on myself. Don’t set expectations so high that you set yourself up for stress and failure.
Practice mindfulness.
Trust that everything will get done at its right time
Don’t ever worry about things that haven’t happened yet. Trust that they will work out.
I’m definitely a work in progress and am grateful for the lessons learned during my husband’s trip!
See what I mean?
Can you relate? OR: Am I the only person that does this to themselves?
In May, Frank and I decided it was time to move to an independent community of apartments that provided different levels of care. Visited one close to everything we’re familiar with, toured and fell in love with everything about it! We were put on a waiting list and left knowing it might be a while awaiting a vacancy. We shared with neighbors the condo was going to be for sale at some point in the future. We received a call within 2 weeks to visit to see if the apartment available was acceptable. Of course it was and we signed the necessary paperwork! Neighbors called and asked if we were still thinking of selling because they had some friends that wanted to come and look at our condo. So began the 3 visits from our Buyers who agreed to our price and a closing date! Good grief … we now need to move and have a 3 bedroom condo filled with 23 years of memories and “stuff”! Let’s just say packing was a challenge for me .. I had to decide what I would take with us to the apartment. With the help of my two daughters we made it happen! A few things sold on Marketplace but the majority was given away or donated! Our new neighbors next door received several items like my huge living room lamps with custom shades and a brand new battery operated snow shovel! Grandkids got bedroom sets! Both of my daughters were in charge of donations and arranging for the movers that moved our boxes and returned to take away everything that didn’t get moved five days before closing! My daughter-in-law helped pick out smaller furniture for the apartment since nothing we owned would fit! Son-in-law did all the hanging pictures, putting furniture together and everything that involved a ladder! I need to remind myself often of how very blessed I am with our family members so willing to help! There were lots of “I’m exhausted” and tears of “I’m so tired” But all in all it’s been marvelous!